Everyone wants to have and keep a happy family at all times. No one wants to end up filing a divorce decree in court and fighting over child custody. However, several things have changed over the past few decades. Nowadays, several couples already decide to go on separate ways because of irreconcilable differences. Unfortunately, regardless of the marriage counseling sessions, they still find out that they are not compatible from since the beginning of time.
It can be heartbreaking for any person to realize that marriage counseling did not work. If you have experienced this, do not worry because it is not the end of the world. Below are some of the ideal things that you can do after realizing that counseling failed and that divorce is going to happen soon:
Stop The Blame Game
Never blame anyone for the failure of the marriage counseling efforts. No one deserves to be in a bad light just because you did not get what you want. Remember that counseling is not a guarantee that the problems in the marriage will be solved immediately. It is a form of treatment wherein the parties involved are given opportunities to discuss their issues maturely. As such, if counseling failed you, the best thing to do is to accept the reality and avoid blaming yourself or your spouse. At the same time, do not accuse the counselor of being incompetent.
Prepare To Say Goodbye
If you think that separation and divorce is imminent to happen soon, the next step that you must do is to prepare yourself for the goodbyes. Heather Edwards LMHC, NCC, BCC says, “It can be difficult to re-establish a healthy routine and empower yourself after a toxic relationship. Fortunately, coming to the realization that you need to let go is one of the most difficult steps.” It is difficult to end a marriage with someone whom you love for years. You will find yourself in constant denial because you are afraid of what the future may hold for you and your spouse. However, you have no choice but to part ways. Keep in mind that it is more disheartening and sad to stay in a loveless marriage. You deserve to start a new life as well as your husband. Let go and wait for better days to come.
Talk To A Friend
There is a high chance or possibility that you will start to feel helpless after the counseling efforts have proved to be futile. Do not easily get discouraged because there are still tons of people around you who are willing to help you move on from the sad experience. Do not hesitate to get in touch with a friend who can give you a different view or perspective of what is happening in your life. As Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC advises, “If you have had significant issues around trust, safety, or stability in relationships previously, I think it’s important for people to have other sources of support outside of their partner(s). This support can come in various forms such as friends, family members, clergy, and even a therapist.”
Feel free to open up to this individual, as long as you believe that she can be trusted. Sometimes, all it needs is to have a one-on-one talk with a good friend so that you can feel relief. Keep in mind that honesty is essential to make it work. If you continue to lie, then the people around you will end up hating you.
Observe Your Children
Not all parents know this, but children are observant individuals, which is why they can sense right away if there is something wrong with their parents. Do not think that your kids are not aware of what is happening between you and their father. Because of this, it is vital and imperative on your part o to be mindful of the kids involved. Observe their behavior and be sure to take note of the changes. Once you notice that they are acting weird and rebellious, that is the time to start a serious conversation with them.
Finalize The Divorce Papers
Did you and your husband finally decide to call it quits? Do you believe that it is about time to let go of each other? If you answered yes to both questions, then expect divorce to happen any time soon. What you must do is hire a legal counsel who must be from your area. This lawyer must have experience in handling divorce cases. Take note that divorce is a sensitive issue that must be addressed by a good lawyer. It involves adjudication of rights and obligations, which is why you must search for the best lawyer who can help in preparing the divorce papers. “All marriages are not salvageable. In the process of marriage counseling, some couples may discover it is healthier for them to be apart.” Donna M. White, LMHC, CACP explains.
Move On To Better Days
As already mentioned above, you are left with no choice but to let go of what has already happened. A divorce is not the end of it all. You still have a chance to become happy, regardless of how the marriage ended. The smart thing to do is to play your cards well. Do everything you can to move on, such as traveling around the globe or volunteering in new activities. Do whatever makes you smile and happy because you deserve it. Stop believing that your happiness depends on your husband or soon-to-be ex.
Do not hate marriage counseling just because it did not work for you. Remind yourself that a lot of things happen for a reason.